


Black Hole In My Chest

by B_Rabbit14



Series: Spreading Awareness/ Rant Fics [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Depressing, Depression, Dialogue Light, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm not sorry, Multi, Rant Fic, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28227909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_Rabbit14/pseuds/B_Rabbit14
Summary: Depression should not be taken lightly.It hurts in many ways. Some more harmful than others.No one should ever have to deal with it alone. Being alone when it strikes can the most scariest thing a person can go through.Depression doesn't care for who it hurts. It kills slowly.It takes and takes and takes.The least we can do is be there for its victims.
Relationships: Keith & Lance (Voltron)
Series: Spreading Awareness/ Rant Fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098926
Kudos: 5





	Black Hole In My Chest

**Author's Note:**

> This was something that I needed to get out. It might be a bit rough and spotty because I wrote this in under a few hours. It suddenly came to me and I wouldn't rest until I finished it. 
> 
> I also took this as a chance to explore a different writing style and hope it came out okay.
> 
> Please be aware that they will be some severe mentions of depression and the effect it has on people. If that isn't your type of thing or you are sensitive with themes such as these then please, I implore that you don't force yourself to read this. I may be exaggerating a bit but I'd rather be safe than sorry.
> 
> Please enjoy.

It comes when he least expects it.

The emptiness. The fear. The  _ loneliness _ .

He hunches over, his hands gripping the front of his shirt. It feels as if a hole has opened up in his chest and threatens to swallow the rest of him whole. He can't stop the feeling. He doesn't know how.

It hurts. God, does it hurt.

The tears come unbidden, and he can't be bothered to try to stop them. There is no point. His chest feels unbearably empty. 

_ Why? Why does he feel like this? Was this a punishment? If so, what for? What had he done to deserve this?  _

His throat closes up, and it's suddenly quite hard to breathe. It isn't long before panic sets in, causing what little breaths he takes to become erratic and labored. He knows he should calm down, but he can't. He doesn't want them to hear. He's enough of a burden to them.

His chest tightens to an unbearable degree, and his hands tighten their grip in response.

The hole grows in size, and there is nothing he can do to stop it.

He almost wishes someone would find him. He wanted them to hold him and tell him he would be alright. He was pathetic. That much was apparent. 

_ Pathetic and not to mention selfish. _ The voices in the boy's head hiss, and he can't stop the breathy sob that escapes him. They were right. They always were. What was he doing here? Who was he to think he was worthy of being here?

Existing hurt so much, but he could never take the easy way out. He couldn't do that to his family.

_ They wouldn't care. You're only a coward, that's why. _

He shuts his eyes tightly, and his hands move to grab the sides of his head as it shakes slowly. He wants to deny it, but...

_ Wouldn't want to add liar to the list now, would we? _

Another sob breaks free. All the boy can do is cry, it seems. He wants comfort but knows he doesn't deserve it. He hates being alone when he feels like this. It hurts too much alone. Being alone hurts.

He just wants to feel alright. Was that too much to ask? For someone like him, it must be.

His arms wrap around his middle in a makeshift self-hug. Tears blur his vision, and his head feels fuzzy and light. That couldn't be a good sign, but he couldn't do a thing about it, much less bring himself to try. Why?

_ WhyWhyWhyWhy  _ **_ WHY? _ **

He can't even remember the cause of these emotions nor what bought on this sudden episode. It doesn't matter anymore, though. He just wants it to stop, wants it to end, to go away.

Black begins to creep along the edges of his vision. Another red flag. At this point, he doesn't care what it makes him look like. The boy just wanted someone to help him. To drag him out of this darkness.

He feels hands on his shoulders and nearly pulls away before remembering his selfish desire for comfort and manages to keep still. Someone is speaking to him, no, more like yelling. That can't be good. Did he do something wrong again? That's right, he's always messing up. He can't ever manage to do anything right.

The hands move away from his shoulders, pulling his own hands away from where he'd wrapped them from around the other's torso. He's faintly aware of how badly they're shaking as they gently cradle his own. The voice speaks again, this time more pleading, and he tries to hear what it's telling him.

"-eathe, Lance. Come on, buddy, breath with me,"

Breathe? He thought he was breathing already. The voice continues pleading to him. He decides to focus on that instead of the cacophony of voices inside his head. The noise diminishes, and he manages to get his lungs to cooperate. A sudden gasp rings loud throughout the room, followed by several pants.

"T-that's good," The voice stutters and tightens its hold on his hands. "Just-just keep breathing,"

He breathes until his vision clears and his head feels stuffy instead of the sickening weightlessness of before. He breathes until the voices fade completely. He breathes until his gasping turns back into the small sobs he'd broken into before.

"Hey, it's alright- It's alright now..." The voice sounds off again, only this time he's able to notice the awkward tone it holds beneath the obvious worry and fear. He tries to stop crying, but like everything else, he's helpless to do anything.

The hands have yet to let go and cause him to take sudden notice that they must be attached to a body. He throws all worry and caution to the wind as he tears his hands away and throws his body at the body next to him.

His arms wind around their middle and hold on tightly. He knows he's being unreasonable but can't bring his worry above the raging need for warmth and comfort. The body is pretty small in build and stiffens under his hold. But has yet to push him away, but the boy latches on nonetheless, afraid it might disappear should he let go. He didn't want to be left alone again. He  _ couldn't _ be left alone. 

The other's arms slowly rise to recuperate the hug and clench the fabric of his shirt loosely. Another sob leaves him at the gesture, and he buries his face into the crook of the other's neck. The arms tighten their hold but not in an uncomfortable way, and it's like the hole's been plugged up. His chest loosens ever so slightly, and his throat tightens differently than before.

This...

This was what he'd needed before. 

This comfort. This grounding touch. The boy knew he didn't deserve it but couldn't bring himself to let it go. He didn't want to...

He didn't want to be alone again.

"It's okay," The voice speaks up with more confidence this time, and the arms tighten their hold ever so slightly with the words. "You won't have to be alone anymore," The boy freezes at the words being spoken and holds his breath in disbelief. "I-" The voice stammers before clearing its throat and forging onwards. "I might not be so good at- well, at this type of thing but," A deep breath. "I'll be there for you," It whispers, and he can hear the pain laced between those words.

"I know what it's like," The voice hesitates. The boy doesn't move and waits for the other to continue talking, letting his eyes wander. Suddenly, he is aware of the red fabric is pressed against his cheek where he'd tucked his face. "I know how it feels to be... alone. It sucks, and it-" The voice takes a shaky breath, and his shoulders tremble in response. 

"It  _ hurts _ , it hurts so, so much." The voice cracks, and he pulls back to gaze into stormy violet eyes. "And you just don't know what to do with yourself, and you feel like you're  _ dying _ ," He stares wide-eyed as tears gather underneath dark pools of painful emotions.

"And you feel like nothing will save you," He finishes quietly, and the other's breath hitches before he gives a shaky nod. Wide eyes stare into his own as if he couldn't comprehend how someone could understand what  _ this _ felt like. Silence passes between them, and neither of them can gather themselves to speak once more. So he does what he feels he can only manage at that moment and pulls the other into another gentle embrace.

He hugs the other male fiercely, and he hugs just as tightly. They hold onto each other as if this was their only lifeline, for the other knows that it might very well be. They didn't want to be alone anymore.

The black hole finally had its fill and vanished, leaving behind mixed feelings of understanding and worry for someone not unlike themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to take this moment to say that this might just be one few fics I've written that have truly come from personal experience by far. This is something that I take very seriously and relate to very heavily.
> 
> No one should ever, and I mean, EVER have to deal with depression in any shape or form. If you have someone you can talk to, please, please do. This stuff is scary and real. It hurts to go through even with someone there for you but it's even worse to go through alone.
> 
> I can't even describe how awful it is to be sitting alone in my room and just feel like my entire world is crashing around me and to not have anyone there to even comfort me. I'm not saying this to get pity or sympathy, I'm saying this because I want to let people know that they aren't the only ones feeling this way. It hurts, so badly to just want to be held and told it's going to okay but to also have no one even realize you're crying. I wouldn't want to wish this kind of pain on anyone.
> 
> But there is someone, I assure you. Someone who cares deeply for you and will surely listen to what you have to say. And if not, dammit I'll be that person. Let me know if you need someone to just rant to or someone to possibly just chat with to distract you for a bit. I'll do my best to be there for you.
> 
> I'm lucky to say that I have a wonderful friend who always is there for me and that beautiful person is my wonderful friend MoonyDew. I want to thank them for not only taking the time to edit this but for just being there when I need someone to talk to. You are so amazing and I'm so happy I know you.
> 
> Thank you for reading and if you think this might benefit someone even if they aren't in this fandom please share. That's why I tried to be vague as possible with the characters so that this can be fore anyone who might need this. I kid you not, I cried writing this and am very glad I managed to push through and finish it in the end. 
> 
> Please comment and share and thank you again for reading, I hope you enjoyed this and that I helped in some way.


End file.
